In celebration of Women’s History Month, Atwood Magazine has invited artists to contribute essays addressing themes of identity, music, culture, inclusion, and more.
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Today, Grammy Award-winning artist Buick Audra shares her insights on gender, birth order, family roles, and self-esteem – key topics in her upcoming project, ‘ADULT CHILD,’ a concept album that delves into identity, estrangement, and the effort to distance oneself from family legacy. Her essay, ‘On Learning to Be Proud of My Music as a Firstborn Adult Child Daughter,’ is featured in Atwood Magazine’s Women’s History Month series!
Buick Audra, a musician, songwriter, and producer based in Nashville, Tennessee, is also the guitarist, vocalist, and lead songwriter for the melodic heavy duo Friendship Commanders. Her fourth solo album, ‘ADULT CHILD,’ is set for release on June 13, 2025, with the lead single, “Questions for the Gods of Human Behavior,” launching on March 21, 2025. Buick Audra wrote and produced ‘ADULT CHILD,’ which was recorded by Justin Francis and herself, mixed by Kurt Ballou, and mastered by Brad Boatright.
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by Buick Audra
It occurred to me just two seconds before I voiced it: “Did I always make myself small in those conversations, minimizing my achievements? Until I stopped?”
My friend nodded in agreement. Not only did she know me well, but she had been there through several years of another friendship that had ended abruptly, its aftermath still fresh in my mind. I realized she was right, and so was I. Up until that point, I had thought my mistake was in allowing my music—my life's work—to be belittled by someone who had once been a close ally. However, I suddenly recognized that my mistake had stemmed from the years leading up to that boundary: I had tolerated it for far too long. While a boundary can be flimsy and subject to change, it was what lay beneath it—self-regard—that posed the real danger.
And that realization was transformative for me.
I hadn't always contemplated these issues, nor had I fully grasped how much my relationships depended on my being consistently agreeable and accommodating, seeking to need as little as possible while always going the extra mile for those who had chosen me in this life. Those behaviors felt like givens. My role had been established since I was too young to understand and was not one I had chosen. I simply accepted that challenge.
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Buick Audra © Anna Haas
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I am a natural musician from a long line of musicians, many of whom are exceptional talents.
In my youth, I often declared myself the least talented of the family (there’s that role again), yet it is true that I have been hearing music in my mind since before I could speak. I have always considered it my native language, and my task is to utilize it.
Unfortunately, I do not come from a contemporary television storyline where girls publicly proclaim their talents and everyone rallies to support them. I do not hail from Stars Hollow. Instead, I come from a complex web of people and dynamics, from everywhere and nowhere all at once. I am neither solely a child of one person nor everyone’s child. I experienced rejection, was shuffled around, unclaimed, claimed again, and then expected to stand tall and flourish. And I did. I continue to do so.
Most of the time.
As for the music? It unfolded along my journey. I would attend a school for a year and join the band, then switch schools the following year and sing in the choir. Wherever I found myself, I discovered music, and together we traveled this path. I got signed, decided to part ways, won two Grammys without informing anyone, formed bands, toured, immersed myself in the studio, learned to record my vocals, collaborated with amazing artists, and created work that accurately reflected my human experience at the time. I cherished each moment.
Yet, I often found myself saying things like, “Oh, it doesn’t matter—how are you?”
But it did matter. It does matter. And honestly, how am I?
It turns out that if you consistently prioritize others and their lives over your own, they will come to believe that they—along with their lives—are more significant than you. The logic is complex, I acknowledge. But these are my observations.
Buick Audra © Anna Haas
In 2021, after an extended break from my solo endeavors while focusing on my other project, Friendship Commanders, I began releasing music as Buick Audra once more. My return was approached cautiously—almost anxiously—but I was largely ready to reconnect with that aspect of my musical identity. The work I was producing was closely tied to my relationship with myself, adding a layer of vulnerability to the process. I
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Grammy Award-winning musician Buick Audra discusses her reflections on gender, birth order, family dynamics, and self-esteem – key themes in her upcoming project, 'ADULT CHILD,' a concept album centered on identity, alienation, and the struggle to escape one’s heritage – in a special essay for Atwood Magazine's Women's History Month series!