Backstage at Oslo in Hackney has a subtle aroma of beer, adrenaline, and perhaps even a hint of Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina. Private Function (Australia’s most unhinged punk band) is here for their inaugural UK headline tour, following last year’s London performance with The Spits.
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I’m sitting with Chris (vocals), Anthony (guitar), and Lauren (guitar). Lauren is in the middle of a story about a man she just encountered in a Hackney corner shop. He walked in with a stone face and asked for wet wipes, confessing he had just soiled himself. We express our sympathies for him while laughing at the absurdity. Chris (vocals and bass) interjects with another story, recalling an American man they recently met at a festival in Spain, who approached them and flatly stated that they were “about to have the worst day of their life.”
“Why’s that?” Chris inquired.
“I’ve just crapped my pants,” the man replied in a strong American accent.
It turns out that the same man later took the stage with one of the bands at the festival.
By the time their anecdotes wind down, I pull a few scratch cards from my bag. If anyone deserves a bit of fortunate luck, it's these guys. “Is it bad luck to scratch with a coin from a different currency?” Lauren wonders, hovering over hers. We’re about to find out. As it turns out, it is indeed – nobody wins anything, and the table is now covered in a thin layer of silver plastic.
“I recall once buying 100 [scratch cards], which was around 200 bucks or so, and I remember winning half of that back,” Chris chuckles. “But I’ve never won anything significant.”
“I think I won $2 once, and it just sat on my desk for five years until it expired,” Lauren adds.
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It’s fitting that a band so fixated on chance, absurdity, and spectacle would eventually turn gambling into an art form. In 2023, they released ‘370HSSV 0773H’, an album that also functioned as a scratch card—one copy even came with a genuine $2,999 cash prize. In 2024, The Guardian dubbed Australia ‘the world’s biggest gamblers’, and I think they were right. Chris smiles. “[The album cover idea] came from me playing the pokies.” (He clarifies that pokies are what Australians refer to as slot machines.) “I enjoy the slots. They call them ‘pokies’ because you poke them to play. I thought, ‘Gambling – how satisfying!’” he laughs. “I then considered how to incorporate it into an album cover. The artwork is really silly in pokie machines as well.”
Naturally, such an idea required a deep dive into state gambling laws. “Our manager checked the gambling regulations in every state. The prize we initially wanted to offer was $5000. But then we learned the limit is $3000, so that’s why our prize is $2,999,” Chris shares. “Every state said, ‘As long as it’s under $3000, you don’t need any permits or anything’… except for South Australia. Even when a football match is on TV, if a gambling ad airs, a message appears saying, ‘We cannot display this advertisement.’ So we were like, ‘Oh crap.’”
Chris recorded a video online announcing that the album was banned in South Australia—leading to even more unexpected developments. “The gambling commissioner of South Australia actually caught wind of the news, and he went on the radio the next morning saying, ‘Yeah, I’ve heard about this ridiculous thing,’ and he added, ‘You know what, I’m going to grant him the exemption!’ So I’ve actually received a physical certificate from South Australia saying I’m allowed to run an illegal lottery!” Chris laughs. Lauren remarks, “He said something like, ‘The only danger here is getting addicted to rock and roll!’”
Private Function has always existed in a realm that fuses art antics with punk disorder. Every new endeavor seems like another gamble against reason, and somehow, they keep succeeding. Their latest album, ‘A BUNCH OF SONGS’ (playfully hidden on the spine beneath its ¯_(ツ)_/¯ emoji title), takes their penchant for bizarre packaging even further. The record not only sounds wild but also smells wild, infused to match Gwyneth Paltrow’s infamous vagina candle. The artwork, crafted by Bootleg Comics, forms an intricate mosaic of over 2000 unique images, and each copy comes with a microscope to help viewers appreciate every detail.
“That was designed by Bootleg Comics. I really admire their artwork. They’re amongst the top artists in Australia. I genuinely love their work; it’s amazing,” Chris states. “We reached out
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Backstage at Oslo in Hackney has a subtle scent of beer, adrenaline, and possibly something reminiscent of Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina. Private Function (Australia’s