A fever dream filled with grief and grace, Laura Hickli's "call it off" reveals the Toronto-based art pop artist transforming her trauma into something profoundly human through an intensely intimate outpouring of pain, memory, and resilience.
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**Stream: “call it off” – Laura Hickli**
I wish things remained unchanged… Count me in for rejecting everything…
* * *
A fever dream that intertwines grief, grace, and rebirth, Laura Hickli’s “call it off” is completely captivating.
This unsettling, cinematic indie pop transformation invigorates the spirit and entices the senses with layers of enticing sound woven into one alluring sonic masterpiece. The dreamy and the dramatic converge in a performance that urges us to listen more closely, to immerse ourselves in Laura Hickli’s universe, dissect her words, and grasp her essence as she unfolds across four minutes of survival, surrender, and an unusual serenity.
**call it off – Laura Hickli**
Send me a blank birthday card today
With the envelope still sealed in the bag
I wish things stayed the same
Count me in for saying "no" to everything
No more capturing any memory
I wish things stayed the same
I wish things never changed
If I could slow down the winter
Stay home, be like a mother
who hopes I’ll never grow older
I’m calling off, call it off
Calling off, call it off
Released in mid-July as the lead single from Hickli’s recently launched EP, dark secrets, “call it off” is an ironically upbeat track featuring a soaring, catchy chorus that delves into the numbness and disconnection experienced in the depths of PTSD. Composed in the wake of a devastating car accident in 2023 that left her with a traumatic brain injury and persistent flashbacks, the song symbolizes both a personal confrontation and a creative resurgence for the Calgary-born, Toronto-based art pop artist. Renowned for her emotionally charged performances and cinematic songwriting, Hickli has long utilized music as a means of healing and self-expression. Her previous project, 2022’s Both Feet In the World, At Least I Can Stand EP, examined themes of religious trauma and self-liberation; dark secrets continues this inward journey, chronicling her recovery from physical and psychological breakdowns with stark honesty and unwavering vulnerability.
**Laura Hickli “call it off” © Sara Kueler**
The emotional aftershock from that experience lies at the heart of dark secrets, resurfacing most powerfully in “call it off.” Produced with haunting minimalism and rich art-pop textures, “call it off” sees Hickli merging raw lyricism with an experimental touch, blurring the distinction between confessional songwriting and cinematic soundscapes. Instead of revisiting the traumatic moment itself, the song exists in its aftermath – in the surreal, suspended realm where life continues to move forward but the self cannot quite keep pace. Through her words and voice, Hickli gives form to that disorientation, transforming numbness into presence and private anguish into something hauntingly human. “Heated seating and my head is made of lead. Trouble reading and accepting I’m not dead. I wish things stayed the same,” she sings. Her lyrics resonate with striking simplicity and truth – the voice of someone striving to progress while their mind remains immobilized.
Hickli reflects on how “call it off” came to life almost accidentally – or perhaps through an accident. “I wrote this song in my garage studio, I know this only because it’s on my computer… I don’t remember writing this song at all,” she confesses. That lack of memory is chilling and emphasizes just how deep she was within the fog of trauma when the song emerged. “I was grappling with severe PTSD flashbacks, unshakeable depression, and a traumatic head injury following our accident. I was profoundly troubled and resistant to life, time… everything.”
There’s a heartbreaking quality to her honesty – that desire for stillness, for time to halt because moving forward only meant more anguish. “For a year this feeling lingered. I just wanted life to stop, because at that moment, life equated to pain and suffering and confusion and grief… I couldn’t manage it all.” Those lines peel away the layers of “call it off” entirely: Beneath its sparkly, upbeat façade lies the sound of someone caught between existence and oblivion, trying to reconcile what it means to continue living when everything inside her has crumbled.
**Laura Hickli “call it off” © Sara Kueler**
She adds, “I saw my friends carry on with their lives, making plans, and even finding joy. I had no energy, couldn’t set any goals, hold any hope. I was over it. I wished so deeply that we had never crashed.
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A fever dream of sorrow and beauty, Laura Hickli’s “call it off” sees the Toronto-based art pop musician transforming her trauma into something profoundly human, expressed through an intensely personal outpouring of anguish, reminiscence, and strength.