To commemorate Pride Month, Atwood Magazine has invited artists to contribute essays that explore themes of identity, music, culture, inclusion, and more.
•• •• •• ••
Today, Montreal-based artist APACALDA shares her thoughts on queerness, identity, and the transformative ability of vulnerability in her creative journey, presenting a deeply personal essay as part of Atwood Magazine's Pride Month series!
APACALDA is the stage name of artist and songwriter Cassandra Angheluta. For her, creating music has been a way to transform lingering emotional traumas through the sole medium that brings her a sense of peace, revealing a complex interplay between feelings and sound. With a melancholic, dreamlike quality that is hauntingly emotional, APACALDA constructs an immersive experience – a fresh interpretation of alternative indie.
Her debut album, ‘There’s a Shadow in my Room and it isn’t Mine,’ was released recently on Friday, June 13. It intertwines dark psychedelia with indie pop that oscillates between softness and gothic undertones, crafting an emotive alternative soundscape that explores the intricacies of human existence. The album revolves around the notion that while we start life with purity, the experiences we accumulate create shadows and unseen burdens as we mature. Through genuine narratives and reflections on topics such as obsession, jealousy, deceit, suicide, and sexual violence, the album prompts listeners to confront and express difficult emotions rather than suppressing them, highlighting the significance of not passing these burdens onto future generations. Each track invites listeners into an atmospheric realm where gritty guitars and layered synthesizers blend, softened by melodic interludes that create moments of calm amidst the album's intensity.
The album's depth is enhanced by APACALDA’s collaborations with esteemed musicians Mishka Stein, Sam Woywitka, and Christophe Lamarche. Stein, known for his work with Patrick Watson, Teke :: Teke, and FHANG, contributes a foundational bass layer to the production, while Juno-winning producer and engineer Sam Woywitka (celebrated for his work with Half Moon Run and FHANG) deepens the immersive experience, shaping the album’s sonic landscape. Christophe Lamarche, recognized for his contributions with Charlotte Cardin, introduces sonic textures that heighten the emotional resonance of the album.
Read APACALDA’s essay below, and listen to ‘There’s a Shadow in my Room and it isn’t Mine’ on your preferred music streaming platform!
•• ••
by Apacalda
For most of my life, I’ve desired acceptance – to be seen, understood, and ultimately loved for who I am.
Reflecting back, I realize how much of that desire was linked to external validation. Many of us likely share that feeling. However, in my pursuit of acceptance, I have come to see how it has hindered my true self-expression. It took me years to muster the bravery to acknowledge my queerness. Even now, I occasionally lose myself in the compulsion to clearly define who I am – to be explicit, to clarify.
Yet, identity is not simply black and white. I have reached a point where I no longer seek permission. I am who I am – unapologetically and without explanation.
APACALDA © Suzie King
My queerness profoundly influences how I approach my art.
It's reflected not only in the topics I explore but also in my perceptions of vulnerability and transformation. When you create from your truth, there’s a sense of shedding – you remove the expectations imposed by society and start asking yourself: what do I actually feel? What do I truly want to express? As an artist, I continually grapple with these questions. My music embodies this search for identity – sometimes chaotic, sometimes calm, but always sincere.
My debut album captures this journey in an unfiltered manner. Songs such as “Darkness” address the fear of visibility and what it means to own your identity when you still harbor doubts or feelings of inadequacy. The tension between internal awareness and external performance is something many queer individuals can relate to. “Darkness” emerged from the realization that remaining silent about who I am was more painful than being misinterpreted. There’s strength in that choice, even when it feels messy.
In my songwriting, I often draw from dreams, memories, and unexplored shadows. This process feels inherently queer to me – nonlinear, fragmented, intensely personal. Being a part of this community has provided me with a perspective to celebrate the multiplicity within myself. I am not just one identity. I am soft and angry, bold and fearful, playful and mourning. I incorporate these contradictions into the sonic textures I create, blending post-punk grit with whispered vocals layered over heavy synths. This forms the emotional language I’ve cultivated for myself, which feels distinctly queer in its complexity.
APACALDA © Suzie King
Growing up, influential artists like David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Prince
bbno$ has returned with two new singles that reinforce his distinctive blend of independence, surprise, and enjoyment. He shares insights on maintaining a completely DIY approach, partnering with unexpected artists such as VTuber Ironmouse, and creating music that prioritizes intuition over conventional guidelines.
The Glastonbury Festival is a vibrant celebration, a feast of joy, and a showcase of positivity. It unites over 200,000 people, with the music
K-Pop legends BTS have returned with an upcoming album and tour. The group broke barriers for Korean artists, playing a significant role in bringing about an extraordinary
The London-based octet caroline, along with Caroline Polachek, combines rich acoustic textures with introspective lyrics and a persistent feeling of emotional uncertainty in "Tell me I never knew that," the lead single from their second album, ‘caroline 2.’
Laura Groves is set to release her new EP titled 'Yes' on August 1st. This upcoming release marks her first collection of new material since the highly praised 2023 album 'Radio Red'.
The Prodigy have announced additional major headline performances for April 2026. Their rave experience made waves at Glastonbury over the weekend, nearly overshadowing the entire event.
Montreal artist APACALDA contemplates queerness, identity, and the transformative effect of vulnerability in her artistic journey, presenting a profoundly personal essay for Atwood Magazine’s Pride Month series!